Clearly, I am insane. Last week when I finally got around to making phone calls about transferring utilities, I inadvertently had the phone service transferred today–Thursday–which is when we get our new keys, but not when we’re actually moving. So we don’t have a phone in the apartment right now and we don’t get to the new place until about 5:30. Not a huge problem except that we don’t get good cell reception in the current place so we’ll be out of touch a lot over the next two days.

This blunder in and of itself is silly but minor. It becomes absurd when I tell you about the cable. I intended to have the cable transferred today as well, however, when the lady from Comcast told me that they couldn’t hook up the new service until Saturday, I adamantly insisted that they change the cutoff date to Friday because you know, I can’t miss Amazing Race tonight.

So yeah, I’m a crack head.

But we’re packed, we’re as ready as we’re going to be and Tanya’s mom arrives in town sometime this afternoon. I’m waging a battle with my control issues at the moment. Everything is up in the air and transitional, at home and at work, and I’m struggling not to internalize my frustrations about that by binging or smoking or blowing off the gym. It’s not just stress that tempts me to backslide it’s helplessness.

I can’t control anything else but I have control over what I eat and drink and put into/do with my own body and it is at these times when I am the most likely to fall apart and “choose” to indulge myself in unhealthy habits. Because I’m selfish, goddammit, and I deserve to have something that I want in the midst of all this crap, etc. etc. A lot of you will understand this. Some will think it’s weak. I don’t really give a shit. I’m just sayin’.

My life is good. Nothing that is going on this week is on a par with some of the crap that has been in the news lately. I’m glad we’re doing this. It is a good thing. I’ll be even more glad when we’re done. In the meantime I’ll continue to struggle with my own head games and addiction recovery. Because even after 10 months, My name is Amy Morrison and I am a smoker and an overeater and some weeks are better than others.

Vocabulary

In non-moving related news…yesterday a woman from work told me all about her recent “colonopsty” the one she had to have because her “anemia levels keep dropping.”

I know that I’m well read and that I’ve been watching television medical dramas for most of my life, but don’t you think that when it’s got to do with your own health you’d like to make a point of knowing how to pronounce and explain your illness? Oh well, I’m just a snob.