My sister Emily lost her baby. At the risk of being kind of rude to her I’m going to excerpt a little bit of what she herself said about it in a private entry on her Live Journal because I’m struggling with my own ability to talk about it:

“I just wanted to let you all know that on the 16th of September Inana stopped moving. When i got to the hospital she had no heartbeat. She was taken from me on the 17th. She was 6lb 1oz and 19 inches. She looked exactly like me. I am completely devastated and not quite ready to talk to anyone but I wanted to let you all know what’s going on.”

This is far and away the worst thing that I am aware of my immediately family going through and certainly the cruelest thing I could have imagined the universe doing to someone I love. We are all incredibly sad. There is a lot of anger and fear and pain getting worked through. But we are very solidly together and available to each other and to Emily and Venessa first and foremost. This has been a fucking nightmare for everyone. I don’t know how else to describe it.

Emily is one of the strongest and most resiliant people I know. But love and prayers and good thoughts work. I do actually believe that, despite my inherent cynicism. But I’m not ready to hear anything about God having a plan, nature’s design, “for everything there is a season, turn, turn, turn.” We just got handed a great big bag of suck and are each, in our own ways, trying to figure out what to do with it.

She looked just like Emily.